Melinda Blau’s Families Apart is an invitation to transform what can feel like the end of a relationship into the beginning of a new kind of partnership. Written with warmth, clarity, and realism, this book speaks directly to parents who are navigating the complex territory of raising children after separation or divorce. For those practicing or drawn to the understanding-based model of conflict resolution, Families Apart aligns closely with the values of that approach and offers rich insight into how families might find their way through conflict without losing connection.
At the heart of the understanding-based model is a deep belief in the power of self-awareness, shared responsibility, and mutual understanding. Conflict is not something to be avoided or controlled, but something to be faced with honesty and care. Blau writes with this same spirit. She meets parents where they are – often overwhelmed, angry, hurt, or unsure – and helps them see that co-parenting successfully is not about having the perfect relationship with an ex-partner. It is about committing to a new way of being in relationship, one that centers the needs of children and respects the humanity of both parents.
One of the model’s key principles is that the people living the conflict are in the best position to resolve it. Blau echoes this throughout her book. Her approach is not prescriptive. Instead, she guides parents to develop their own agreements and patterns of communication based on what matters most to them. This is especially resonant for mediators and conflict professionals who aim to support parties without taking over the process. Blau encourages readers to pause, reflect, and make conscious choices – something the understanding-based model invites at every stage.
Importantly, Families Apart does not offer easy answers. Blau acknowledges that co-parenting is often challenging and that the emotional residue of separation does not disappear overnight. But she also reminds us that parents have agency. Even in the wake of betrayal, loss, or long-standing conflict, there are opportunities to rebuild trust – not necessarily in the relationship that ended, but in the possibility of working together with shared purpose. This mindset is deeply aligned with the model’s approach to supporting people in making meaningful, lasting change through mutual understanding.
Blau’s writing is compassionate without being indulgent. She makes space for emotion – the grief, the fear, the frustration – and yet she keeps the focus on action. She challenges parents to stay connected to their higher purpose: the well-being of their children. This orientation mirrors the understanding-based model’s dual emphasis on honoring the personal dimensions of conflict while also moving forward with clarity and purpose. Both recognize that conflict is often sustained by patterns of reactivity and misunderstanding, and that progress comes not from fixing the other person but from changing how we respond.
For parents in mediation, this book can offer a supportive companion to the work they are doing. It provides a vocabulary for speaking about what matters, for naming the shifts that co-parenting requires, and for recognizing that shared parenting is not the same as shared intimacy. Blau distinguishes between being emotionally entangled and being emotionally present. She urges parents to move beyond blame and toward accountability – not as a one-time decision, but as an ongoing practice.
The understanding-based model is built on a belief that people, even in conflict, are capable of making decisions together when supported to do so with honesty, respect, and care. This belief is threaded through every chapter of Families Apart. Blau trusts her readers. She knows that co-parents can rise to the challenge of creating structure, maintaining boundaries, and communicating effectively – not because it is easy, but because it is necessary. And she offers guidance that is neither rigid nor vague. Her ten keys are grounded in real experience and presented with enough flexibility to be adapted to different families and dynamics.
For professionals supporting families through divorce – mediators, therapists, lawyers – this book is a valuable resource. It can serve as a bridge between sessions, helping parents reflect on their roles, reset their intentions, and prepare to participate more fully in the process. It also supports the mediator’s role in fostering autonomy, encouraging parties to take responsibility, and helping each person see the other not as an opponent, but as a co-author of their child’s future.
In the end, Families Apart offers not just practical advice but a deeper invitation: to meet conflict with openness rather than resistance, and to recognize that understanding is not the result of resolution – it is the path to it. Melinda Blau does not romanticize co-parenting. She respects it as a practice that takes effort, humility, and commitment. And in doing so, she offers readers a way forward that is grounded, hopeful, and profoundly human.