There was a time when the very idea of people in conflict sitting down together—not to argue, not to convince, but to truly understand one another—felt almost impossible. When Gary Friedman and Jack Himmelstein introduced what became known as the Understanding-Based Model, it was nothing short of revolutionary for the time. It flipped the script on how conflict was handled, particularly in the legal world, where winning and losing had long been the name of the game.
Their message was simple but powerful: What if, instead of leaving our conflicts in the hands of judges, lawyers, or outside experts, we took responsibility for them ourselves? What if we could find a way, even when emotions are high and relationships strained, to work through our differences by understanding—not defeating—each other?
That idea changed everything. It opened a new path forward, not only in the legal profession but far beyond it. It invited people to step out of the well-worn patterns of blame, righteousness, and division, and into a process of curiosity, connection, and possibility.
What made the Understanding-Based approach so groundbreaking was how human it was. It wasn’t about clever tactics or quick fixes. It was about honoring the people at the heart of the conflict—their stories, needs, fears, and hopes. It recognized that conflict is not something to be avoided, but something to be faced, together, with courage and openness.
Over time, this approach proved to be much more than a method for lawyers and mediators. Its principles—listening deeply, working together, taking responsibility, and looking beneath the surface—turned out to be valuable in every kind of human interaction. In families, workplaces, communities, and across cultural and political divides, it offered a way to bridge gaps that seemed unbridgeable.
And today, we need this approach more than ever.
We are living in a world full of noise, division, and fear—a world that often pushes us to dig in, harden our positions, and see others as opponents rather than fellow human beings. It can feel like we are losing the ability to listen, to connect, and to trust that there is a way forward that honors everyone.
The Center’s work reminds us that there is another way. It offers the simple but profound possibility that when we slow down, when we are willing to truly understand—not just the facts of the conflict, but the feelings, values, and experiences behind it—something shifts. New options appear. The walls between us start to soften. Even in the most difficult conflicts, there is the chance for transformation.
This isn’t easy work. It takes intention, care, and often the support of a skilled mediator or conflict professional. But it is work worth doing. Because when people are willing to sit together, face the hard things, and seek understanding, something remarkable happens: healing becomes possible. Relationships can be repaired. Creative solutions emerge. And even when agreement isn’t reached, there is often a deeper sense of peace, clarity, and connection.
The invitation of the Understanding-Based approach is simple: Let’s choose to meet conflict differently. Let’s dare to believe that understanding—not force, not persuasion, not avoidance—is what can lead us out of the stuck places and into something better.
This approach has changed thousands of lives. It can change yours, too. And it can help us, together, build a world that is more compassionate, more collaborative, and more whole.